No introduction needed for this blog. This is my blog and I can write and post anything that I want. Caution: you may be would not be the same after you read my blog, so run while you can! ngeh ngeh ngeh

Thursday, November 18, 2010

kisah seram di hari jadi ku / scarry story on my birthday

yes, last 16 nov was my 26th bday lalalalalalala.  because it was on the eve of aidiladha, our boss awarded half day working on that day. we ols can go home at 1pm and my self being the 'pekerja contoh' (ye ker???) left the office around 1.30ish pm.

it's my bday and the eve of aidiladha, public holiday lagi....gila la kan nak dok kat opis.  but sadly, all my friends cant leave the office early and tinggalah diriku yg muda remaja lagi comel berseorangan di petang itu termanggu kesepian.

lately, im so much into menangguk ikan di air keruh literally so i was thinking what the heck!.  im gonna go for menangguk ikan di air keruh but kinda boring at the last place i have been menangguking because it was not so challenging.  i went scouting for a new menangguk (catching fish using fish net) around my neighborhood but all the places i went look like i can maybe accidentally drown or trap in a quick sand or even become a healthy and perfect meal for crocodiles.  with no gempak option i went menangguk at my regular location.

because it was so hot (around 3pm) and i havent had my lunch. kepala pun pening rasa mcm nak pitam, i quickly ran termengah-mengah dengan hasil tangkapan ku yg membanggakan (seekor anak ikan terbol sebesar tiga jari ku, seekor anak ikan ketutu sebesar ibu jari, lebih dari sepuluh ekor anak ikan pelik dan segenggam anak udang) to my car.  i start the engine with dizziness and almost black out rase nak pengsan and hopefully i can drive safely to my house which is less than 5km.
hasil tangkapan ku yg dah tinggal separuh. separuh lagi dah mati sebab lama dalam baldi dan kekurangan oksigen. ni pun semua dah nyawa-nyawa ikan jer

juge jgn lupe jarak penglihatan ku jugak tidak bagus...start je the engine, hit the clutch for first gear and gedebuk! arggghhh...my front right wheel sodah masuk dalam lubang dalam.  deep enough to cover the whole front tyre.  aduhhhhhh....mcmana nak angkat ni. even though my car is small but definitely need at least 3 people to lift it up.
inilah lubangnyer...dalam siut. paras lutut. dan kayu tu konon bole la keluarkan tayar keter dan tanah disekelilingnya adalah yang digali menggunakan cangkul kepala berpusing dan tercabut

luckily the place was in front of a factory.  i run there and ask for help but nobody was able to help because at the entrance hanya ada seorang pak guard saje.  he cant leave the gate.  i look around and saw one indonesian worker.  i asked for a cangkul.

i did dug piles of mud hopefully i can broaden the hole and can put any wood underneath in order to move the front wheel but damn, the cangkul is not steady.  the indonesian guy knew that i am hopeless and he gathered few of his friend to help me.  tengah diaorg nak mengangkat kereta aku, tetiba la plak hujan lebat ribut taufan (betul nih) kan! the four guys lari lintang pukang masuk dalam kilang and me just sat hopelessly inside my car.
bumblebee ku yang berselemuih selut ekoran dari cubaan menyelamatkan diri sendiri. ni gambo selepas ianya berjaya diselamatkan.

the rain and the ribut taufan stopped about sejam lebih la jugak.  i quickly ran back to that kilang and ask the guard to call again the indonesian guy who have helped me earlier.  "sorry bang....diaorg dah balik masa ujan tadi!" huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... so what to do? time ni la badan aku dah berlemuih selut dan basah dan banyak lak phone call dan sms nak kene jawab dan termasuklah sms ngeri (sila rujuk fb aku).

dan tetiba, bagaikan mendapat hidayah dan petunjuk, my eyes look at the corner of my wind screen and saw a sticker with a phone number on it. it was the workshop who i normally go for service of my dear bumblebee.  aku pun call la, diaorg kata, if the managed to pull my car out, they will charge me rm80, and if they fail, they have to call towing service that will cost me around rm200++ dan dalam wallet aku ada rm100 jer huhuhu...dan yg datang menolong tu sorg je...alamakssss!

he attached a big rope under my car and managed to pull it out within 30 mins. phewwwwwwww....kalau tak berkampung la aku kat situ sampai entah bile...

definitely i will never forget this year's bday!

Saturday, October 30, 2010

A memoir of a guy who had done epi-lasik (kisah seorang lelaki comel yang dah buat epi-lasik) part 2

i went for the first check up, the examiner explained to me briefly about lasik and etc....during that day, she told me that she can't get the accurate measurement because i have not to wear contact at least a week plus, so i had to return for the next full check up then they will decide when is the right day for the surgery.  so i had to berpantang one week from wearing contacts and i tell you aaa, it's not a picnic! rasa mcm totally give up nak buat lasik.

rimas dgn cuaca panas, sweats coming in my eyes...my glass every two minutes terletak cantik atas lubang idung. arggghhhhh....sangat2 tension!  pejam celik-pejam celik tiba masa to do the full check up.  my surgery is ready for another week which was on the 28 Oct 2010.  apa punya malang atau dugaan, lot of things urgently occurred  in the office.  kelam kabut dibuatnya coz i'm trying to get it done before i'm on medical leave.  tapi still not managed to settle everything in da office. but what to do, the appointment for the surgery has been fixed and kalau tukar lagi, mau jadi gila dan entah bila bole buat since it's a 'pakar' punya tempat.  had to be selfish for once. 

during the final check up, the examiner told me that i have to do the most expensive surgery since my eye condition is not advisable to do the cheap one. well, keringkan hati dan tabahkan diri, i accept the offer.  takpe lah...duit bole cari lagi insyallah.

on the final check up, they dilated my pupils. that day i was badly short sighted.  can't even see any sms right in front of me, can't even watch TV and i was driving back home at 40-50km/h.  normally it would take 20 minutes for me to reach home, but that day it was more than 50 minutes.  luckily i arrived home safe and straight to bed.  i was awarded with two days medical leave and on the 3rd day was the surgery day.

on the surgery day, i have to ask a good friend of mine to drive me there and back home safely and he did invite another of good friend of mine to chaperon me.  and that day also i was scolded by someone from my office and everything seems so urgent like it's the end of the world, everybody in da office need me there.  what to do? i cant even see clearly and im already in d prep room waiting for my surgery.  i didnt purposely left everything in da office unattended and every urgent things happened pun bukannya planned by me...so dengan hati yang tak seronok, with unhappy, no nervous feeling at all, i went through the surgery procedure.

to be continued.......

Friday, October 29, 2010

A memoir of a guy who had done epi-lasik (kisah seorang lelaki comel yang dah buat epi-lasik) part 1

My oh my, finally i done it! after waitin for several years collecting and saving money, it was done on 28 Oct 2010 for less than 20 mins (the surgery) for both eyes.  though my power is not much but my astig is way too high.  the cost for the surgery is equivalent to 90% of 2 months of my salary, but i guess it's worth it.

today (29 Oct 2010), i'm gonna tell you the journey throughout the whole process until i am fully recover and enjoying the bright and clear eyesight.  i am warning you though, this memoir or mumbling post gonna be lengthy and i'm myself not sure how long it gonna be and it might frighten you, be boring and it will be bilingual whenever i feel like to do so.  so, you may leave at once while you still got the chance, and today, with blur and hazy like vision, i am writing this memoir here in my blog.  

it was all began in 2005 or 2006.  i was so fed up by wearing glasses.  during that time, i was like a tube of car's wheel, sometime full and sometime flat (kekadang aku kurus dan kekadang aku gemok lah).  so wearing glasses was so irritating because the frame got to be adjustable and my nose is totally like a squash pea definitely not a pleasant site to be looked with glasses.  everybody wear their glasses straight right on their eyes, while me, every 5-6 minutes wear it right above my nose trill.

i'm so pissed off. i have to find other alternative.  then i chose to wear contact lens.   though it is not cheap for me because my astigmatism is to high but my power isn't.  and my eyes can't tolerate with the contact because it make my eyes dry and red.  it really really really annoying me.

after doing some deep thinking, praying to my almighty god, meditating like yoda and doing some calculation, my expenditure is about RM1,000.00 for a year just to wear contact lens.  tak bole jadi ini macam, even though i did not throw RM1k at once, i feel like there must be something worth to spend RM1k comfortably.

from that moment, lasik has come to my mind but damn it was so expensive here in malaysia.  saving punya saving, the cost of lasik surgery still wasn't cheap.  i end up buying clothes, going on vacation etc...

i was wearing glasses on and off with contact lens because my lens cost me about RM160 for one month.  for a guy who earn 0.2% of obama's clerk salary, it was to pricey for me until one day in late september 2010 the weather was so unstable and i can't tolerate with the heat and rain because it was so annoying wearing glasses or lens - it making me dizzy during the heat and my eyes starting to itch every time it's raining, well it's definitely time for lasik no matter what!

i went for the first check up last three weeks and managed to set the 2nd check up a week before my lasik surgery.  Even though it was so expensive for me, but for my own good and considering the amount i have to spend RM1k every year, plus with my little savings, i rest my case-i am going for lasik! 

to be continued.........

Monday, October 25, 2010

jantan ke betina....jangan percayakan udang! male or female? do not trust any lobsters or any crustacean family!

last sunday, i was at the kedai akuarium yg besar tu kat sebelah wet world shah alam on my mission to buy more and more anak-anak ikan (nak memenuhkan akuarium ku yg cantik itu - video will be uploaded soon - cantik ker?) and to buy new couple for my blue fresh water lobster yang kematian pasangannya tiga hari lepas (aku tak tau which is betina or jantan).

there at the kedai, i found the lobster at reasonable price with reasonable size (agak besar la jugak berbanding the one at home).  because i didnt know which one is male or female, i asked the worker to choose it for me. he said, the one with straight tail is male and the rolled tail is female. so he caught two lovely couple of that lobster. me being a very cerewet and persis customer from hell which most shops would definitely love me not going to their premises take a peek at the worker's catch.  i see two similar lobsters with both of their tail rolled! "haiiyaaaaa...ini lua lua betina lah. u tell me tadi lain!!!!! macamana nih????" i spoke to the worker politely (bole caya ker?)

"lu pilih la sendili" said the worker to me politely too.  so with my bionic eyes, i did pick one straight tail and one rolled tail.  back at home, kebabommmmm!!!! the old resident lobster died!! i'm lucky i bought two lobsters, so with lot of space for my new lobsters, and with a smile i put them in the aquarium.

tetiba (suddenly)......kebabooommmmmmmm...i see both of them rolled their tails together and within few minutes later both of them straighten their tails.  apakah? i should never trust any kind of lobsters and crustacean period!. i should learn my lesson!  this things happened to my friend diyana too. u can check her post on that keji lobster too! damn u lobster!

on the other hand, i'm a proud owner of this blind cave tetras.  i got four of them. one already died due to excessive feeding. bukan salah aku yg bagi dia makan. dia yg tak reti makan secara berhemah.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


کلاڤرن منجاديکن اکو مڠݢيݢيل. کلاڤرن جوݢ منجاديکن اکو مڠهرݢاي ستياڤ ماکنن. مڠاڤکه ماکنن مڽببکن اکو لاڤر؟

To pengat or not pengat

Insyallah, if my apartment's water supply wasn't disconnect this weekend and kesanggupan dan kejituan semangat diri ku meninggi, i'm planning to cook my favorite dessert (ya allah, berikanlah hamba mu ini kekuatan dan semangat jati diri yang tinggi!) which is 'Pengat pisang' (banana pengat?).  here is my own recipe for it.  caution: don't sue me if my recipe is similar like yours, causing death or hallucination or maybe will gain you more than 1kg.
not my pengat. pic taken from d internet

Pengat Pisang BroBani

  • 6 or more or less bananas (who cares! as long not banana boat sun tan lotion) any type and ripe!
  • brown sugar/malacca sugar (gula melaka lah) but no regular or synthetic sugar.  or if u think you're sweet enough (kononnya la kan) you still need those sugars that i have mentioned.  level of sweetness totally depends on you
  • coconut milk (no breast milk, milkmaid or any other milk!) a small box instant coconut milk will do if you like yours to be organic, fresh...squeeze the milk from the grated coconut. One coconut is enough
  • two or 3 screw pine leaves - pandan leaves (if you want to use screw, go ahead...it's your invention and u are showing your innovative skills.  if you planning to make 'bunga rampai' by all means please get it more as u please)
  • sago seeds (optional)
how to cook BroBani's style!

first, smile! show that you are sincere in cooking this recipe. otherwise just throw all the ingredients or get somebody else to cook or just go and buy this pengat at any stalls if u managed to find one and please notify me!  ok ok, cut the banana according to your prefer size.  some like it short and some like it long...(stop imagining banana size OK!).  heat your pot and pour the coconut milk in it not on the floor. 

when you see your coconut milk is starting to boil, throw the non synthetic sugar in it.  when the sugar is mixed with the coconut milk, throw the pondan pandan leaves in it until it become aromatic. now, this is the best part, throw d bananas in it along with your 'shanana shanana na na' singing.  when you see the bananas are about to be mushy, your pengat is ready to eat.

you might notice that i haven't use the sago seed.  can't u read! i said it's optional. so sukati la aku nak guna atau tak kan. but if you wanna use the sago seed, you can immediately put it together with the coconut milk.  but make sure the sago seed evolved like frog eggs before you throw anything in it.

happy cooking!!!!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tengah Meroyan: SYABAS dan LT (Talam) punya cerita

effective from this week, my apartment water's supply has been suspended due to banyak orang tak bayar bil air (kecuali aku).  My apartment and most apartments in my residential area which is in Taman Putra Perdana is managed by LT Sdn. Bhd, owned by Talam dua muka and under their supervision for the maintenance.  We have to pay RM50.00 for the maintenance fee and 2 months' water bills will come in a single receipt.

SYABAS will suspend the water supplies to my apartment effective this week for the reason stated above.  Macamana la aku tak meroyan, kalau nak potong pun, potong la sapa-sapa yang tak bayar bil air.  Tapi SYABAS can't do that (for what reason i dunno) because allegedly LT didn't pay the necessary amount to SYABAS.  WTF!!! duit air yang aku bayar tiap-tiap bulan korang buat apa?  

LT said that, there are many tenants/owner who didn't  pay the water bill, hence LT can't make the payment on behalf of them.  and for what reason again i dunno why LT can't block/suspend/potong whatever  their water supply.  kan ini dah menyusahkan others yang dah bayar bil air.  and again, for what my landlord have to pay maintenance fee RM50? dah la cleaner diaorang sapu tepi parking je.  kenapa tak sapu sekali tangga dan bawah tangga yang dah berabuk tu? 
sebabkan LT takde website dan takde online logo, aku telah berbakti pada mereka dgn menciptakan satu logo baru utk mereka

and SYABAS, can u guys give the penalty or whatsoever to LT for this matter? or at least tak boleh ka bincang with LT how to potong only to them who didn't pay their water bills for so many-many months?


p/s  at 10.50am, i did call LT's office and guess what, the phone has been ringing for more than 10 minutes but nobody pick up the phone.  KORANG MAKAN GAJI BUTA KE atau TAKUT NAK ANGKAT TELEPON?

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

I see u in court! jumpa court dalam!

Yesterday, went to do check up for my Lasik in Sunway.  I went there early just to avoid jam and to get decent parking space.  Luck seems to be on my side that day coz i managed to get decent parking right in front of the clinic.  The check up went well even though I have to pay a lot of money for the lasik op, i don’t mind about it at all because it is for my own good and for my clear and bright future la kan...ye la, selama ni dok bergelemuih dgn mata merah bila pakai contact lense dan irritating itchiness sebab frame spec berpeluh – i had enough!!  

On the way back home, i saw some paper stuck on my wiper.  At first, i thought it must be some kind of ah long’s brochure or any ads.  Because it is so irritating and annoying seeing it wiggling on the windscreen, i have to stop over just to get rid of that stupid thing. 

The moment my hand reaching that stupid thing, the clouds over my head turn black with lightning strikes in every direction.  My eyes look so devilish and i roar and scream so loudly (in my heart la kan), that stupid thing is a summon from MPSJ.

I don’t mind receive a summon if i do wrong, but WTF!!!! I did paid for the parking.  Dah la nak menyaman orang, tatabahasa dan ejaan pada borang saman tu pun tak betul!

In the summon said that whoever fail to pay the summon, court action will be taken against them.  Try la panggil aku gi court, aku saman jota-jota MPSJ kang baru tau!  I see you in court!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

next project!

توڤيق يڠ ستروسڽ ساي اکن چوبا اونتوق مڠݢوناکن توليسن جاوي!!

Good food, good gossiping

Today during lunch, i had a good meal. Decent, delicious and affordable food that is!.  I’m having baked cheese bolognaise spaghetti and root beer float for drink.   Even though the food was great but greater than that or as equally good was the gossiping.  I guess nobody can deny that gossiping during meal time make us feel like every info is at our fingertips and also make us alert that we are just human being.
Baked cheese bolognaise spaghetti 

I hate to admit that while gossiping you kinda accepting your own flaws and see in a new perspective that literally, nobody is perfect.  But you also can’t deny that gossiping also will enable you to ‘makan daging orang yg busuk kat akhirat nanti juge’.

But is there a good gossip and bad gossip? For sure, i don’t know how to answer it as long as i know what i’m doing and i do my job equally good as my salary are. Lalalalalalala 

Mystically me?

9.05 am, pantry

Kak  Aniex:  Bani, u ada dengar tak radio *** pagi tadi dalam kereta?
Me:  takde la plak, kenape?
Kak Aniex:  diaorg bincang topik mistik.  Ada sorg mamat ni citer pasal dia ada saka...
Me:  oooo.....(and i told her my experience sambil meremang bulu tangan ku)

Last Aidilfitri, i visited my Opah (my late mom’s mom).  She’s 90+ years old and healthier apart from her memory is kinda vague about what’s happening within short period.  I have to repeat every things i said to her every minute and as most of u know that i’m a cute little devil who always take every opportunity to ‘kena’kan everybody around me. 

So i have the chance to say that i’m currently a prince, bollywood actor etc.  Even though she lost her memory but Allah swt punya kuasa, she knows her kids and haven’t forget that she lost her favourite daughter which is my late mom and i’m the only cucu she remember the most (cucu-cucu lain especially my lil sis sentap big time! Hahahaha).  When she asked me what i do for living again, i said i’m a porn star and she did give me a ceramah dunia akhirat, neraka syurga until i can feel my ears was bleeding.

So, it’s the time when me and my sis wanna depart.  She held me tightly and give me duit raya.  It was RM2.  When she handed me that money, she done it secretly and very discreet and say not to tell anybody.   Gila aku tak nak ambik duit even RM2.  Sedangkan duit raya Zaq pun aku bole paw lalalalalalalalalala.

As soon as i arrived home, i told this story to another aunty (my dad’s lil sister), and suddenly she was waving  like orang gila dan make a scary facial expression saying ‘NO’ like it was played on a slow motion scene in a gesture hoping me not to receive the money and ask me throw away that money far far away or burn that money ASAP!

I was confused at that time, what is wrong with that? Is my opah already put her bugger to that RM2 note?  Again, anybody who knows me well, I never refuse to accept money!  I look at my aunty and deep down inside my heart was saying  “ hey lady, ini duit raya aku lah. Sesuka hati je nak soh aku buang. Jelez la tu sebab aku cucu kesayangan dan awak tak dapat duit raya lalalalalalalala” but me being reasonable and perfect human being, i ask her why i have to throw away that money.  Then she told me about my opah......
Not sure whether we are possessed or we do act like this everyday 

The legend (wah!!) was said that my opah got ‘belaan’ (a spiritual guardian) to protect her. That’s why she is healthier and strong (tetiba teringat citer si Bauk semalam!)  and no one wanna take her belaan (my mom’s siblings and their kids) so, opah perhaps wanna trick me in accepting her belaan.

As fast as speedy Gonzales, i throw the money far far away and immediately make plans for the next day to take Zaq collecting ang pau again.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Ayah, engkau pemimpin keluarga, ibu engkaulah ratuku. Uncle is the coolest super duper human being alternate to parents?

I love my dad and my late mom (al fatihah to her) like everyone else  love their parents.  But believe it or not, in your life or perhaps in your other life (who knows you maybe a caterpillar before), i bet you must have one favourite uncle/aunty.  They are super duper cool and u don’t mind tagging along with them or hoping that you are their kids.

I have one favourite uncle and i wish one day i will be like him.  And guess what, i am one now! it’s not easy being an ultimate super duper uncle but it’s rewarding.  Your nieces and nephews always waiting for you to come home and when their find difficulties with their parents, or they want to discuss dirty little secret, you are the one they will look for comfort and whatever comes from your mouth is so sacred and influential to them, they will dig in.

And they wish one day they will be like you and you also wish that one day they will not become like you cause you know that it’s not easy to be you.

I have thousands of nieces and nephews from my cousins and relatives and god please help me! every time i’m with them all of my soul n blood are totally dry like they are sucking it magically out of me.  But again, it is rewarding.

Currently, i have my own niece from my dear lil sis. He’s gonna turn out 1 years old this coming 19 Oct and my panic attack has return.  I have long gone this feeling since the day my lil sis got married (penat weiii jaga adik pompuan when your dad is old and sakit and you got no mom and all my aunties and uncles serah bulat-bulat tugasan menjaga adik pompuan aku kat aku).  Now, I have to think of my lil Muhammad Azfar Zaquan a.k.a Zaq’s future and his well being. 

Maybe you might say, “lantakla, dia ada mak bapak dia etc” but hey, dia anak buah aku lah! Sukahatilah aku nak jaga dan bimbing dia! Dan korang nak tengok anak buah korang hancur lebur korang punya pasal la!
He’s so cheeky and clinging to me from the size of my two palms and i can see that i have to protect and guide him no matter what and his mom and dad has already give me the mandate to do so too.  Well, i just wanna say it’s not easy to be a responsible uncle too!

Love you Zaq and happy pre-Birthday.  Kalau uncle Ben ada duit lebey kita buat party buih yer.

Drama la pulak.....

photo by muhammad labib
caption and editing by me

Yes, i killed Puchong’s mascot!

I’m a killer and i feel guilty that i killed Puchong’s mascot! I’m a killer!!! And why i have to kill the mascot...  ?!?!  Chicago bear’s fan, i bet wouldn’t kill a bear or we wouldn’t even kill a turtle because it’s our tourism mascot for god sake.  Even it is not that i killed the mascot technically, but i accidently killed it while driving from work yesterday around 7.15pm.

By the way, Puchong did get its name from a bird locally called ‘Puchong’.  Poor little birdie, their natural habitat is vanishing one by one due to rapid development and yesterday, their number was decrease because of me.  I do feel guilty huhuhu. 

Maybe some of you said that losing a bird is nothing because they still exist in every swamps and wetlands but have you ever think maybe that poor dead bird got kids or family waiting for it to return to its nest or maybe the bird is still single and doesn’t meet any potential spouse yet!

OMG, i’m a bad bad person...